I'm struggling a little to understand where the past few months went. It seems like it was just a week ago or so that I was suddenly retired from HNI and looking for something to occupy my time. I applied for seasonal jobs, got two, went through training and hit the ground running with them. Then, it was Thanksgiving and Black Friday -- and the last time that we went out to eat with my Dad. I hate hindsight; I look back now and realize that eating at the Family Restaurant is not the last eating out memory with my Dad that I would have chosen. There was really no hint that things would change so drastically over the month of December.
December is always a busy month due to Christmas -- and I was happily oblivious to the fact that my Dad was deteriorating and my Mom was struggling. When we went to visit over New Year's weekend I was shocked.
January was the worst month of my life. I went back and forth to Rice Lake every week during the month to help my Mom care for my Dad, so I watched him deteriorate day-by-day. It's still so difficult to accept the speed at which everything happened. On New Year's weekend, he could still sit and feed himself (with difficulty), and was sleeping in his own room and able to make it to the bathroom. Jeff and Doug installed handrails in the hallway to make it easier for him to walk. Over the next week, it became harder and harder for him to walk and he needed to be led down the hallway. Additionally, he had very little appetite so his weight and strength continued to drop.
By mid-January, we moved the furniture around to put his bed in the living room and walking down the hallway to the bathroom was no longer possible. We had to lift him quite a lot in and out of bed, which became more difficult as his strength continued to decline and he couldn't assist with his own movement. On Monday, January 24 he went to the hospice room of the Convalescent Center and died on Saturday, January 29 -- only 4 weeks from New Year's weekend when I first learned of his condition.
Writing this has been helpful as I'm still in shock at the rapidity of losing my father. We all knew he had lung cancer and, when he decided not to have further treatment, that the condition would progress. Still, he was fine at Thanksgiving -- not great but ok -- and 2 months later he was gone. January is still kind of a blur -- it just went and now it's February and I'm still reeling. None of it seems real. I was in Rice Lake for the past few days moving furniture back where it belongs, writing out thank you cards, shopping, watching TV, etc, but I still expected to see my Dad sitting at the table with Sandy at his feet.
When I come back to Appleton, I get a break from that reality as I go about my daily tasks, etc. I'm making a point of staying away from photographs of my Dad because then I have to accept that he's gone. Tears are very near the surface all the time and I need to be careful. My Mom doesn't get to escape the reality, though. She's in the house all the time and soon she'll be there alone as Dean goes back to Florida tomorrow. We'll go back next weekend, but she'll be alone starting on Saturday for the first time in her 79 years. Almost 63 of those were with my Dad. I can't even begin to imagine her pain.
The outpouring of love and support from family and friends has been comforting -- and a wonderful tribute to how much people loved my Dad and Mom. I'm grateful that she has her church family for support and friendship, and she's hoping to go back to work next week at least part-time. Carving out a new direction for her life is going to be hard, but I know she's strong enough to do it.
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